Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis
Half the votes say my flow was good,, the other say it was forced or not good
I wish you motherfuckers would quote the bad so I can see where you feel its bad flow so I can change somethiing and improve. Just saying its forced don't help nobody improve examples kids. Chea!
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Daniel was the Class clown; but Only on the Surface,
made his Peers laugh Loud with Every joke Blurted,
(semi colons should only be used to separate items listed as examples after a colon)
(capitalised flow expression points)
Daniel was the Class clown, but Only on the Surface
had his Peers laughin' Loud at ev'ry Joke that he Blurted
Or
Daniel was the Class clown, but Only on the Surface,
he Made his peers laugh Loud at all the Jokes he always Blurted
Flow is so hard to express without a ton of stupid symbols, which would work if everyone adhered to the same symbolizings, but yea, what I'm saying here is the way you have it written there isn't enough natural expression on the "he MADE his peers" part. Mainly because it lacked the filler syllables to give it a speech cadence, but when dealing with filler bits you have to think about consonants that are hard and soft that will blend with their surrounding sounds to cause either a break or runtogether