[Frank]

topic:soil

symetrik
I was woken from a pleasant rest,
my lady whispers "bad news" (and wake-the-neighbor loud sex)
^should be no "and" (wake-the-neighbor loud sex)
she hesitates to say, but we bounced checks,
can't even pay rent.

so I busk in the day for a few cents,
cuddle up at night in our sleeping bag love nests,
^deep

cuz we could be together 'less she lose the urge to effervesce
so sick of waking grimy, feeling twisted in the escher sense
^effervesce? lost me but i'm digging the language

tired of the filth, the stench of moldy clothes,
^soiled
I guess she lost all hope of going home.
but she was fine… at least I told her so,
I guess that that's a lie cuz every night she tried to overdose…

I know a ghost... she fills me with resent,
she's etched in my regret.
sometimes I wear her shirt, just for the scent.
and tend to every flower where she's buried in the garden beds.
^felt that

this was some real shit.

breathless
There was this blonde chick, stunningly attractive...
She ran into the street and got struck by oncoming traffic.
With weak resistance, and a deep distance in her eyes,
she'd keep on insistin' upon bein' a mistress of time.
A tryst missed, brisk shivers run quickly down her spine.
^last line sounded like old english.

This dismissive look of indifferent lust bristles her flesh.
The thick whiskers that once tickled her supple nipples and breasts,
now flooded with salt rivers mixed with crimson
^dope
instead
But he knows, this is the last moment he has
to kiss the side of her cheek, yet he can't open the casket.
He stands over the chasm, the hoists holding his wife's coffin creak,
soiling his soul silently weeping, embroiled
^majestic meets depleted .

If only he hadn't randomly seen her from across the street...

So happy as he screamed her name and she came dashing to greet him.
A chance rearranged in passing, turned into a painful lunchtime meet up.

Was he to blame? No, but really, it could not get much worse.
What he saw was a shame, finally, what's inside that dumb blonde head of her's.
^
satisfyingly rushed

mvgt symetrik

the soiled clothes / soil grave connection was well done. breathless had moments of exquisite wording but ultimately he didn't succeed in connecting with the topic as well imo

good battle