[Frank]

Topic :stone

Adonis
Daniel was the class clown; but only on the surface,
Made his peers laugh loud with every joke blurted,
His facade perfect.. He daily left his teachers floored,
^"teachers floored" not sure if literal, in a literal sense, but the imagery here although subliminal but maybe not even intentional was raw considering floors sometimes could be stone.
As they taught... They thought; his jokes meant he ignored,
The submitted work of course, was – Truly terrific,
The big “C” on his letter men was purely prolific,
Each score he'd thank god, then blow a kiss to the cheer squad,
^trumpet like line. summed him up while sounding off.
One goddess would catch it, her beauty un-flawed,
A vivacious vixen – with more color than a prism
^"prism"/stone/colorful gems
Hazel eyes positioned on silky skin un-christened,
A smile that gleams, pearly whites encompassed in serene,
^"pearly whites" teeth - stones
A face inside of dreams, no body cuz her mind is what we fiend,
Sara's natural elegance is second to her scholastic competence,
Both can choose any college due to academic dominance,
A match made in heaven, a couple so perfect,
From the outside... As I've merely scratched the surface.
^diamond stones don't scratch. but a boulder of emotios are easily carved.


Graduation in six months; They're prepared to fly the nest,
But a tiny seed can interject and make dreams defect
^good personal moment with yourself.
It seems timing's incorrect, for a bump to sprout,
Daniel's proud, scared; but overcoming every doubt,
His first thought, fright; who recruits a kid with a kid and wife?
But reality strikes; The bliss felt cut fear, out like a knife,
Sara on the other hand, just a bit uncertain,
She'd be burdened with being round at the cap and gown sermon,
So options were discussed, and sacrifices made,
It wasn't his stomach so his decision ¼ weighed,
^lol at 1/4 - how'd you do that lol
Sara held majority, but Daniel trusted her,
She's smart and loveable; intelligence unmeasurable...


“Daniel, pick me up. I can't drive. I need a ride home. @ the clinic”

His eye's flare open... His heart crushed his soles...
His mind crashed and burned; the text being the coals...
^"coals" - now the stones haven't gotten too hot to hold.
Time's stagnant; Lungs strain excessively,
His octave, is bitch made; as he weeps depressingly...

“I'll never have the chance to offer what I can!
I'll never be a man! Never forgive you and I'll never understand!
How Sara? I thought we had an agreement.
Our bond is broken, walk home. You're dead to me you heathen!


The worst part?
There's not even a stone plot I can visit to mourn,
^stone plot/...hedge?
Instead, there's a dumpster...
The grave site of OUR seed..

That wasn’t even born”...
^good grief.

vs

Clutterbuck
Take a concrete thought or idea
aim to spot the flaws that appear.
Before you adhere tools of the trade in
your engineering, view it with patience.
^good diamond in the clutch mechanisms here observing it as such.
- Use your creative juices to crack it,
^good slathering oughta do it`
there’s numerous ways if you just imagine!
Using a hammer could bring you results
but if you were to add just a chisel and sculpt
with unadulterated freedom of thought
^I like how you're chipping away.
& instinctive impulses leading the course
it could be so much more given time to perfect it.
- Clean up the corners and find a direction
File at each section that’s rough at the edges
so its lines are connected & done to your credit.
Study your effort with critical eyes
^i see a diamond cutter wiping down the diamond dust here
looking intensely at which you’ve designed.
- Is it precise and holding your gaze
^shedding light here
giving new life what you’d hoped to convey?
If no, strip away at the layers of debris
‘til what solely remains the creation you dreamed.
^good message
As great an achievement as you could accomplish
a shape that’s ideal and yet brutally honest.
A beautiful homage to original thought
remove what’s unwanted and rid it of flaws.
Strip to the core of the subject in essence
exhibit it purely and cut the excesses.
So nothing is left but the principle premise
to sum up the rest and deliver your message.
See, in the possessive hands of an artist
this gift of expression comes natural regardless.
Whether tablet or parchment or what you prefer
it’s how concrete concepts are turned into bodies of work.
^almost flawless finale. drum roll like from "creation you dreamed". very methodical writing. refreshing approach.

this battle was a between a story and a topical - now the word topical gets thrown around a lot these days but you rarely ever see a true topical. A lesson plan style of rap from a notorious writer is almost a tutorial from a writer who didn't need to but felt obliged to. And adonis, good verse - always have a couple fly lines in a flyer style. this verse was no different just not memorable. i have forgot what the it is about already, granted i'm high, nonentheless, i only see segments. clutterback's piece ironically felt more complete given his writing was only about the process. also he completely owned the topic - like a caveman claiming his man cave.


mvgt clutterbuck