[Frank]

Decrepid, broken wings that times forgotten
Rotten, sewing strings entwined -concocted
Hostage, i only dream i'll fly off high in the mist
Climbing the limbs, looking for a fucking sign in the wind

I like the progressive descriptive stop and go flow. 'looking for a fucking sign in the wind' was james dean.

Only science exists, cause everything is dying or dead
Found a few resources, i macgyvered the rest

nice lone inventor wordplay

Apply and connect, what looks like broken violin necks

This is the line that made me want to break this piece down. Apply and connect was great transition out of mcyguyered the rest but "what looks like broken violin necks" would never cross over to somebody who has never seen this pic. Get what I'm sayin? Do not get that precise when describing these pictures. try and write for a bigger, more vaguer audience.

And try to invent, with things that show the signs of neglect
The worlds been torn down time and again, I am what's left

excellent example of that

And I will die to find heaven, that's the promise of death
I'm dressed like an angel that fell, picture perfect painting of hell

"I'm dressed" again, sounds little too particular.

Aviator suit like a noose, hoping i don't strangle myself
But i gotta break an anchor to sail, or an egg for an omellette
Praying I don't crash dive into my head like a cockpit
Submerging from this desolate vomit, feathered by hock spit
Locked in, looking like I'm dressed up in toxins

Those 2 lines were locked in, killer. 'Looking like' works here

Foreign metal deposits, several objects I salvaged for use
Handcrafted, blacksmithed, lacking powerful tools
Hours consumed, finding out how to construe
Inspired by the towering moon, a ballanced balloon
Doomed, scouring tombs, bruised in my mind
An ugly ego trip, that used to be a beautiful ride
Reveals an unsuitable side, pride, nobodies helps better
Hate to be stuck in the middle but totally self centered

cool similie and solid progression. no complaints here but I could always nipick like "scouring tombs" feeling kinda outta place.

I wrote it myself, letters, now live like a caveman
In this primitive wasteland, I piss in the paint cans

little sidetracked, dope flow and visual though

Sick of the same pants, trance, stare though I'm panicking now
While i'm perched on this tree top, aerodynamically sound

I didn't like 'panicking now' because in my mind the lines before it had nothing do with the direction you were going in. So you it felt kinda shaky for me. Last line definately needed 3 better ,more conclusive lines before it to have more impact imo.

All in all, solid verse. I think you took the picture too literal though and would have liked more creativity.



Can't break one down without the other




heart burning like the fire and logs, pockets of wire and cogs
an audible sigh crosses the night; tinkering with desire is odd..
long after this proprietors gone, the night trickles on scribing the same
hiding it's pain, the story of night is neither gory nor light
- it's silence and rain..
the dark's blinded with change. making way for the brightness of day
the worlds entirely gray,

Okay first off, spelling biding way with words. great use of language & rhythm. You start off with "heart burning like the fire" which is a bright visual in contrast to the picture which is entirely gray. cool.

but one mans thoughts give this writer it's page..
it inspires a tale of a man who might've been hale causing marshall law
his ideas sparked a brawl,
get painted with the same brush & thinking becomes an art of war
no partial flaw; they say the worlds flatter than the nose of a fighter..

i guess a little backstory - i like the world flatter than a nose of a fighter, insuinated the thought of flying and spakred that thought of limitation.


& that an ire of hope could put a sire to rope in a golden empire molded in fire
a goal in a pyre, but if the streets the limit why does the sun float even higher?

the sun = heart burning in the beginning? I see your direction as one of providing a color to a sad shade you feel is in need.

our mans talk became action - scribbles and doodles lead to bickering roomfulls
snickering fools come but ideas are when thoughts became passion!

i though this was cool - patriot like

when forks became past bends and then cloth became fashion..
like a wall that came crashing crushing the old ways encased in a bubble of hate
it's easy to ask are these troubles mistakes -
..or more importantly are all mistakes subtle and fake which start to double in take?


ok now your starting to sound like that snickering fool

eyes opened like the yawning of a cave after rubbles embrace..

that was deep

our mans pleads that with no past.. there's no gravity - no craft!
no man with his notepad.. forehead crinkled like hands in a soaked bath
his standard bears no flag, trying to manage both math and a ravaged up homeland
he's a radical nomad blessed with a mind and the magic that growth has

ok


grabbing it; both hands, banishing old stands
a music of the mind turning two left feet into a travelling slow-dance..

traveling slow dance = flying?

'it's insanity.. no chance', & 'people weren't made to go high'
but thoughts become obsessions and obsessions are an escape from a lie
a time when the most basic can fly!
with birds racing on by, creating a life somewhere safe in the night
his rough draft is enough that he secures sponsorship and prepares to reign in the sky

& years later his sponsor looks back thinking how crazy was i!?


-----------

(wings are made for walking)

kind of concluded a trippy story

all in all, little more focus. try and interlock your ideas more, tie up loose ends, then you can write what you want, long as comes together


Overall

I'm never breaking down a topical battle again. Doing so helped me evaulate these verses on a different level though and maybe everyone needs to try on the critical lenses. This battle is pretty much one sided in votes but I have to against the grain on this one. Orc was less of a slave to the picture then genocide was. Risk Versus Safe

Cool battle. See ya next week./