dope battle. very dope battle. both you guys gave me such detailed votes im gonna try my best to RTF.
black- very dope verse. you say so much with so little words. and that's really the biggest compliment I can give a writer. these phrases you come up with have very profound meaning within each one. all the classic poets wrote in that manner. ive spent hour long college classes dissecting a ten line poem. and then writing a four page paper on the meaning behind ten lines of poetry. you have this quality and its awesome. as far as the mechanics. very strong. got a little less sound in the middle. im obsessed with syllable count and you broke yours occasionally but you recover effortlessly in the next few words that you don't even realize it happened.
as far as the topic, I think you could have taken it a lot further. it was a weird picture. but you seemed to not attack it head on. those steps man. you could have wrote more about steps as progression upwards or downwards. iono. overall very dope verse.
cdm- reading your verse is a weird experience. my first reaction is, this shit has no flow or structure whatsoever. which it doesn't. my next reaction is, this verse is genius in its own way. your an exceptional story teller. if this was a write a story non rhyming league youd go undefeated I bet. I have a strong feeling that you don't listen to rap. your stuff would make a better song. someone singing it. beatles like almost. which I don't throw that term around lightly. but really ur stuff isn't poetry and its not text. its something different. which makes it hard to judge. storytelling was awesome though.
overall this battle was the yin and yang of text. one with a very complex and disciplined structure. the other with a fuck structure free flowing design.
vote - black d
his complexity in writing was superior here. cdm if you ever master rhyme meter you would be a monster. perhaps try writing to a beat.
awesome battle guys. thanks for the read. props
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