wow , this was the battle I was most looking forward to and it delivered in a big way
Adonis - you hate writing story telling verses. seems like you finally gave in and wrote one and woah brother, that shit was sick. I really enjoyed it. you followed the classic story arc curve of a tragedy. everything is perfect in the beginning, then you have a conflict, then you have a glimmer of hope that they will overcome that conflict/obstacle but in the end, they don't and everything is sad and horrible. genius writing man. the emotion in the last stanza was powerful. the mechanics of the piece worked well for me. it was similar to the way I often write. I think you abandoned the writing to a beat and went for more a spoken word type of flow. which I like. I want to point out this line
His eye's flare open... His heart crushed his soles...
His mind crashed and burned; the text being the coals...
Time's stagnant; Lungs strain excessively,
His octave, is bitch made; as he weeps depressingly...
really liked that.
Larsville - man you had a nice take on the topic. but I think you kinda just went way too vague for me. you are definitely one of my fav topicalists to read and this piece was no different but it didn't grab me. it lacked emotion. the take was dope though. a stone is basically a blank canvas for an artist but he has to pound on it and crack it and hammer the fuck out of it , all violent things, to make something soft and beautiful. its ironic and you highlighted that. never really looked at it in that light. so this was illuminating. I wish you would have went storytelling mode on it. this read like a how to manual a bit. but it was still very good for what it was. you wrote it very well my dude bro.
overall - thanks for the reads guys I enjoyed this battle but in the end im a sucker for a good story
Vote - Adonis
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