I've lit candles for cult practices and memories' vigils at the same time.
I've lived for rushed passions and deliberate procrastination in the name of dying.
I've been dead and resurrected against a name divine in the name of science!
How are you NOT appalled that i claim to have what you claim to have made for Zion?!
I provoke you to do all but remain a silence. A feigned belief. A mage, retired.
A reign of which may or may not have created, as this remains a waning bias.
vivid,
when i read this i pictured you either on a pulpit preaching and yelling or on a stage in a Romeo outfit holding a skull haha. this was nice, a little too narrative for my taste but still pulled off very well. i would like to see you get more involved in your verse, like as a writer become the character more and not be so scheme minded but relax a little, your shits intense haha, in a good way though :)
Proceed. Entrance bearing a lock.
I had the key now.
Mother had been careful to knock.
She wasn't here. Exhale.
The scribbles on the wall would be there till they're not.
Scratches on the headboard, still bare with its knots,
This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron.
The tiles were painted red and white, but the footprints were obvious now.
Inhale. An ash falls. The smell forms an ominous cloud.
It's time to leave. Exhale.
It's time to leave this vacant pall.
One gazing stall. Faded paint in the corner where the tree would graze the wall.
Inhale. Step out to face the fall. Taste the fog.
Toss the butt into the open basement hall.
lol is it ironic that this piece is super "Vivid? love the way you painted a picture with your storytelling, it always connects me to the piece when i can read a line and automatically see it. sometimes I think writers try TOO hard to force an expanded vocab into something that could be put.. not simpler but i'd say worded a more comprehensible way as where the reader doesn't have to try to hard to read it. a more relaxed read to me is always favored.
both of you guys really brought it in this important match and so far this has been the toughest for me to vote on but i'm going to go with certain because i think his piece was a little more rounded in terms of mechanics/plot/execution/understand-ability
thanks for the read guys!
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