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Old 10-17-2013, 05:39 AM   #8
Clutter Buck
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Bags the homie, but Cashius got him here IMHO.

Superior writers voice throughout those first two stanzas, mixed up well with the punchline style he has, but not overdone. Class at Stanford/ pass his standards was a dope couplet to me, could have quoted a whole lot, right up until “‘peed on a stick” he had me reading almost on auto-pilot, that’s top quality writing right there, he admittedly let himself down slightly towards the end and with the way he closed it out but I don’t hold that against him too much, for me it didn’t take away from the things he did well, and the character development was solid in those first two, I think my problem with the final third was that it felt a bit rushed and everything seemed to happen so quickly where as if he had paced it out like the beginning, people may have felt it moré, but then again I suppose the entire thing would feel like it was happening in quick succession so hitting fast-forward may have been a deliberate choice. Only Cashius knows what, but I thought he came sick, can’t take much away from him.

Baggatron came ill with the mechanics, really carried that rhyme under and over throughout this, the idea of him almost going Postal is one we can all no doubt relate to also and I love that universal appeal to his piece, it’s something I often look to find in my own work, and I appreciate what he did there to the fullest. The tie up was slightly a let down, everyone loves a good ole gorefest afterall, but in not doing it it’s only reflecting what so many of us have done in that same position I’m sure haha! The characters weren’t as developed as in Cash’s piece, I’ve not even the remotest idea of who “Doris” was/is/how she felt/acted etc which as a topical head is important to me. I just feel overall that Cash had more appeal to his verse, even if his idea wasn’t as original as Bags take may have been. Cash won this IMHO.
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