Patrown. Sweeping saga; with that said... more broomstick than epic. I thought the cinderella spin on the aphroditte time period was far fetched as far as accuracuy.
pearl
great name choice - accentuates the photo nicely.
wipies -- lol
red light distraction, --I like the word association.
sensed some emotion towards end of first stanza - opportune time to open the flood gates there imo
rag/pad similies - more wipies?... waiting for a quicker picker upper line.
-- they pay this girl to throw the hands? little abrasive there
-- a lot of missing transitioning rhymes
i dont give a fuck about rus. vague name choice - odd couple this rus and pearl
simple rhyme schemes - but the progression is decent.
time hung for a moment before her chest heaved and she gasped,
good imagery
dope fiends were going to her for protein shots? ?
lost morsels, tossed morals -- nice wordplay
drifting slowly into a scene with her mother, playing hop scotch.
?????
based off the picture it's a shot in the dark. As it stands it's a dull syringe that can't break through the skin no matter how close the vein throbs. Pearl is pretty tough though - I give her her props. ditch rus
Certain.
Talk about characterization. This verse was like watching Robin Byrd (channel 35 at 2 in the morning type shit) I commend you. You are a daringly confident writer who relishes in exhibiting total love for his characters. You Live vicariously through these sluts with sheer will power. The audacity and edginess remind me of early Adonis, late Cereal Killah of the last league. Very provactive. You embody the role and channel the emotions through unbiased funneling doing what is right by the story, by any means, never caught in super ego. You have a classical traditional style that rings bells from the leagues of past. I am not very familiar with your writing but your last 2 pieces have been to the threshold of human emotion and back. You are a welcome addition to this website and to this league, Welcome. The story, itself, basic, but the way you told it was bold, light hearted and compelling. Julia never let me down. Well done.
MVGT. Certain
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