[Neighbor]

I feel intimidated by the term "serious"... how serious are we talking here?

I mean, I love writing and consider it a dear past time, but do we have to wear any special clothing (i.e. suit and tie) or is this more of a business casual venture? Also, I'm trying to quit smoking and if we are taking things as seriously as I suppose you are, I would imagine there will be cigars and glasses of Woodford Reserve that we will be required to consume on a regular basis. This may present a problem for me as I'm recovering from numerous substance addictions.

As an aside, I am also not privy to ritualistic sex or the bizarre gay mating practices these writing cults often embrace. I hope that we can create beautiful poems together, however, I cannot and will not condone this homoerotic behavior in conjunction with your drug-induced, dick-tugging recruitment methods.

Please review my application for enrollment and I pray that our talents can unite in your fudge-packing, albeit "serious", topical crew.

Cheers.