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Old 10-13-2013, 01:56 PM   #7
Inno
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,025
Battle Record: 26-54


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- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

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JW

I liked how you took this serene picture and wrote something that isn't
necessarly represented in the pic..but is certainly a possibility and a clever
one at that...thought the contrast to the picture was just well done.. good shit
man though I would of liked to see more about the pic..i get it though..you wrote
something beyond the pic..its almost like war is right around the corner..and the pic
is the calm before the storm...thought that was a cool feeling you portrayed with your
piece...and the end seemed fitting..that scene you painted before the war..and then after
when hes thinking of those who lost there lives...great imagery man..


MW

like Adonis...I too kept going back to the picture and trying to pinpoint what you where
writing about lol...for a while I thought it was the one guy dead center of the picture...the one
sitting undder the tree...but ofcourse it wasn't..i liked your idea I thought it developed well
and tbh if this had more of a developed underlining theme I think this would of been some ill shit hands down...I dunno man I hate doing this it but it felt like the ending or revealing of the character was bleh....didn't seem to fit with the description you scattered through out your verse...almost felt like it was a last minute thing..dunno that's just me man..i could be
completely wrong.


overall

I dunno who to vote for really..i thought JW did an excellent job with the style he brought...though at times it felt a bit boring..while Mike dropped some heat aswell but
felt like that ending wasn't good enough...you grass nigga? lol...overall both did a dope
job mechanically..both equaled each other in most aspects ..but in the end I think ama
go with JW..i thought his coming back to the beginning of the story(standing there taking a moment for those who died) it was almost like he was back there before all that happened..because of that...ama give JW the vote...another dope as battle.
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