hmm interesting battle.
pat.
first thing that jumps out at me is the poetic vibe...man this was riddled with it
and I enjoed it so much lol..very welcomed..it was subtle, smooth and well written
that first stanxa sets the mood just right and really kicks off the story in a great place.
I also liked the focus in your piece.. I loved how you covered dam near the entire pic.
I must say I liked how you put in your piece parts of the pics..like the pearl and the wind blowing parts...thought that was clever bro..
certain.
well I gotta say that is prolly one of the better stories of the week..it had everything..character devolpedment...suspense...emotion lol..I mean this was fucknig dope
and tbh it made it even more dope because you made the story off of that picture..i would
have never thought of that...I mean it reminds the reader of the picture which is an old scene yet you write about it as if its a new scene..i.e the sring break references..man
I thought that was some reall cool shit man..really made me enjoy this that much more.
overall..
seems like you both write somewhat similar story..or maybe its because both are about a woman I dunno maybe not...anyway...pat brought a more poetic abstract piece while certain droped a storyline that was just outstanding...great opening sequence...dope climax and can I be honest for bit though I forgot to mention this in your verse breakdown...ending was a bit predictable...soon as she walked up and asked for steve lol..I knew what was up..i mention this because even though I saw it coming it was still an outstanding ending to the story..it was fitting almost...though the last 2 lines....I dunno WTF those mean....but again I thought you took this...great battle fellas.
cert.
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