Netcees - View Single Post - Week 3 - Objective (1-0) vs. King Ra. (1-0) - OBJECTIVE WINS 6-3

e11even · 10-13-2013, 06:44 AM

Objective- I liked your piece because you decided to create a world around your image. A little less descriptive than I'd have liked, especially since I didn't immediately connect to where the hero was in the second verse. That was actually a big disconnect because the way it read to me was there were townspeople, a hero assassin, and the demon child. No real correlation how I read it. But aside from that, it was pretty clear and mostly direct, very necessary in storytelling usually.

I think the biggest downfall for me was the overly simple rhyme patterns. Experiment outside your comfort zone of rhyming syllables. It will pay off long term. I appreciate your drop and I look forward to reading as you develop your style into something greater.

King Ra- I liked your technical angle and your more abstract content, though I felt empty handed afterwards. Solid rhyming mechanics and interesting illustration, but at the same time not really giving your own life to the topic. I wasn't sure what I should have felt from reading tbh.

I feel like you didn't really know where to go with this and decide to describe the very topic in an abstract manner without having to venture too far out. This felt kind of safe. Overall I thought this came through on your lyrical capability, but if you combined this with last week's work, this would have blown me away.

At the end of the day a judgement has to be made, and this will be hard for me to live with either way. Thanks guys for showing up and showing out, and I appreciate the work you two put in. I think MVGT Objective on this just because it felt like he put more effort and thought into his content even though it it wasn't as cohesive as I'd have wanted. Hope to see more from you guys soon.

10-13-2013, 06:44 AM	#9
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Objective- I liked your piece because you decided to create a world around your image. A little less descriptive than I'd have liked, especially since I didn't immediately connect to where the hero was in the second verse. That was actually a big disconnect because the way it read to me was there were townspeople, a hero assassin, and the demon child. No real correlation how I read it. But aside from that, it was pretty clear and mostly direct, very necessary in storytelling usually. I think the biggest downfall for me was the overly simple rhyme patterns. Experiment outside your comfort zone of rhyming syllables. It will pay off long term. I appreciate your drop and I look forward to reading as you develop your style into something greater. King Ra- I liked your technical angle and your more abstract content, though I felt empty handed afterwards. Solid rhyming mechanics and interesting illustration, but at the same time not really giving your own life to the topic. I wasn't sure what I should have felt from reading tbh. I feel like you didn't really know where to go with this and decide to describe the very topic in an abstract manner without having to venture too far out. This felt kind of safe. Overall I thought this came through on your lyrical capability, but if you combined this with last week's work, this would have blown me away. At the end of the day a judgement has to be made, and this will be hard for me to live with either way. Thanks guys for showing up and showing out, and I appreciate the work you two put in. I think MVGT Objective on this just because it felt like he put more effort and thought into his content even though it it wasn't as cohesive as I'd have wanted. Hope to see more from you guys soon. __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 10-13-2013 at 09:45 AM. Reason: correcting mistakes made on my phone.