Throw the first four lines away. Those were terrible. The rest sort of built into something really, really slick by about the three-quarters point.
This part was as good as anything from any flex I've read here:
Quote:
I hold them torches, so ya'll can see the way
tapped into that brain matter beneath the gray
keep thinkin you nice, go head admire ya self
I feel the same way, I only inspire myself
|
Your flow is natural, another reason to cut the first couplet, which was the only choppy rhyme in the entire verse. This was a strong verse that seemed built for audio.