mic W
good fast paced, easy to read and to understand verse. Well balanced across the board in flow, scheme and correct imagery and narrative, which made this pic rep very very good..nice tie ins. I liked this line alot, and it is an example of your pic representation and your writing;
in an exceptional groove, breeze gives me a lift,
I just lassoed the moon, bringin it home as a gift/
good use of inner rhymes, though you were deficient on multies...that would bump this verse to a higher tier if you. could have incorporated more...another thing was that the moods, tones and emotions to the pic were kinda a gmick and I dare say a tad cliche. . . a more sick creative tone would have bumped this.
don't get me wrong I like this verse for it's ease in simplicity, readability and relevance....to say nothing of flow.
Frank--your middle (however long it was) passage was so fresh...it built and progressively got longer and more elaborate. I like the build up even if it was unintentional...rhymes were disco and fun. Now I was not following the opening dialog sequence and the closing...as how I should relate it to what I like about this piece, the middle.
great job reping MJ, he would approve im sure. you hit all the essentials: being yourself, reaming true, your loyalties to him and your ideals that are similar...The thing with using dialog and supporting characters in a verse to help establish context and mood is that it easily dilutes and confuses the piece for the reader if they are dropped and no pay off is there, though you are in expert in this because you wrote it and understand.
v MC
make no mistake Frank had the creativity in this one, that don't ness mean Mic did not. this came down to the wire
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