[Just Write]

lol, zen you're fuckin weird. love you for that though, really enjoyed this piece however i will not read another piece of yours if you do that gay ass format thing again. for real, hella gay.

But that doesn't matter, Hey! You wanna blow those bastards away!?
Or walk up with a golf club and shatter his brains?
Come on!! Come out of your cavern Dave and plaster their face
On the sidewalk while we eat their eyeballs
And Laugh in their face!! Wouldn't that be great!?
Don't you think it's time to rattle the cage to your mind a rest
Cause we've battled for days in mental limbo with each sigh of breath,
Well thats about to change! Now we'll live by the pistol and side with Death!!

really dug this section right here, your take on the pic was different but thats what makes for good writing. nice crispy flow too, only thing i didnt like is you kinda just went out there and it seemed like you were just rhyming to rhyme in a few spots.


NYC

Flue to the sea; boardwalk over a beautiful beach
Pastel sky. Placid over the numinous reef
a godless breeze roars, these voluminous trees...
acknowledge sunset -
The cove's last luminous heat.
Let it ripple, illumining the one unscrupulous deed

this was just a crispy butter opening and very poetic which I love and just can't seem to do so cheers. even though your piece was a lot shorter each one of your lines packed so much behind them.

opiate concocted death - a suitable tea... tried this. have you ever heard of hells bells?


this was hard because it's two very different styles which are both enjoyable but i'm just going to go with the one i liked a little more this week and that's= NYC