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Old 02-14-2013, 10:07 PM   #13
Inno
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,025
Battle Record: 26-54


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

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zen

expected the traiun aspect of your piece to be i nthere somewhere lol but the holocaust angle?...very creative man points for takin the leap shit hat usually doenst work out to well for most lol..you pulled it off nicely man..so no matter how obscure it is..your words fit the picture to the T. it almost feels like your remember the horror and its so real that you get lost in your thought. great imagery man, simply dope. your scheme was simple but tbh it was dope man, i mean it flowed perfect and your imagery was dam near real lol..

coup

this felt like you where narrative...it had that type of feel to it..its good thing it makes it feel easy to find the message..in my headi t felt like it was being told to me lol. usually its me. anyway your opening verse is on point man you had every in that shit. great imagery a dope flow and ood rhyming. kicked off the piece in the riht direction. towards the middle it got a bit to abstract like you strayed from the story a bit..mechanically this was onpoint through out..seems like you slipped a little in the middle..ending was a good closer.


overall

the difference between these to verse is zen wrote something that came to life as far as the story goes..while it felt like coup had that narrative tone to it. a little more laid back, while zen dropped imo a risky piece that seemed ot work out for him. to be honest as im typing this i keep repeating the last like from zenz verse. i mean it just fit perectly. he gave a resolution to the picture...no pun intended. coups verse was dope as fuck, this just came down to which one linger a bit more.

vote zen
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