this reminded me of An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge, if you ever read that story. felt like the opening characterization in the first third-ish of the verse was excellent, but it didn't pay off how it could have cuz the actual story being told was so expository. It felt rushed. It's tough because people don't usually read longer verses, but this begged to be longer, just for the story to breathe. Writing was good, though these types of pieces can be tricky because words like "nefarious" bely the time of its setting. Good shit, I always enjoy your work.
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You should be water
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