[Objective]

Breathless: I think this is the first piece I've read from you. I enjoyed the read for the most part but it wasn't anything mindblowing as you had a kinda predictable, literal and safe approach to the topic given. One idea to how you can be more creative is trying to think how you can incorporate what you got now to a more engaging story with one or two more characters involved and a plot that really enhances the topic given.

You did have some dope lines here and there, this for instance: ''Watched the wrinkles of my past fold back to a different me.'' Loved that one, but the home/nope-shit was pretty wack seeing how your rhymes was mostly on point elsewhere.

Ye, enjoyed the read but there's definitely room for improvement. If you listen to what people say and you stay in the AOWL I think you're going to improve a shitload. Keep it up, looking forward to see you progress in the league.

Mr.J: Dope intro and the rest of the verse was decent. Nothing that I could really engage in though. Why are you broken again? Why do your hopes just go with the wind? Why are you/the character so emotionally invested in winning? It seems to me like you're leaving out amazing shit that would make your piece 100 times better. I can see you got mad potential but you aint bringing it out there, get some depth to your story and you're going to write some dope shit.

Vote: Thought both verses were kinda bland, Breathless had some cooler profound quotes and Mr.J had somewhat of a story to go along with his stuff. I enjoy stories that's thought out a bit more while still being on topic so my vote goes to Mr.J. I can see potential in both of you, just stick with it and listen to the feedback given. Peace.

Edit: Both of you should think about some of the stuff I said and analyze the NYC vs. Vulgar battle this week to see how they approached and executed their topic.