ok cool battle. good work fellas
breathless - first piece ive read from you. you could write but I found some of your end rhymes to be unusual choices.
The odds are one hundred to no chance that I'm comin' home
with the goals that I had being done, but it won't last. Nope.
home and nope doesn't work for me
Been growin' old fast, and probably missin' pieces
that I know I shouldn't have, but my grasp just didn't reach.
pieces and reach doesn't rhyme either. a few lines later you use end as your end rhyme two lines in a row. the rest of the piece worked I just don't understand why you deviated from actually rhyming in these sections. overall a solid piece.
mr. j - I think this wasn't as strong as last weeks submission. it had good flow but it did lack some emotion that you had last week. it was a good verse not great. I didn't like the larry bird line. didn't seem to fit.
overall - breathless had a good verse going but really didn't rhyme enough for me. some end rhymes were off and he had no internals and need a few more multis. mr. j was good enough for the win this week imo
good battle guys. thanks for the reads
vote- mr. j
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