[Scripter]

Wow this is hard to decide both pieces were excellent....
Both had great flow and structure.

NYCSPITZ - I thought you had a very poetic approach on this. The story was dramatically heart felt and was very controversial. A couple who kept trying even in the faces of adversity, brought the topic alive in a very interesting and unexpected way.
You did a good job of connecting the plot to the story as well as addressing the coming and going of life.

I thought you had a very elegant opening which gave the piece tempo and feel.

"Maple leaves on sidewalk stone, this reed is a force
moving mortar; these Autumn red crowns seethe on the floor.
Some turn, showing a pale gold regal decor
as joy leaves the tree which barely even breathes anymore...
a couple sit on the park bench - he's seen it before
He's seen suppressed rage morph into a vehement roar."

Here is my favorite part of your piece. It describes the love the couple had for each other and also begins to explain the stress and pain the couple went through just to be together, which to me was very Romeo and Juliet.

"When Sam and Mary came gaping at his miracle crest
veiny, fingery apex. Vibe bitter and stressed.
"Hey there tree," Sam said. The mirrors reflect.
A drawn pocketknife. Hearted initials seared on his flesh.
they loved watching birds fly - he had a peer to connect.
Sam lived a hop South and just a veer to the left.
Started coming alone and brought a trace of fear with his breath."


Vulgar - I like your story very much it had a after life consequential approach to it. I liked the twists and turns you added in it kept feeling and helped to build suspense. You really are a excellent writer!

Your opening does a great job of describing giving up or quitting when things got rough.

"Why'd you kill yourself, Abe?" said a deep, celestial voice
"Before you rest in the void, do explain your measure of choice"
Abe squinted through the blinding light,
looked around like 'Why is hell so plain?'
considering the lack of brimstone suspicious. Bullet-hole in his skull leaking yet felt no pain
Abe stammered back, "Wait, are you God? Well...I mean...I just gave up.
I was bankrupt, I was shamed, stuck in such a restrained rut..."

I also liked how you twisted things around so that you could show the other side of what would of happened had he not given up, which gives proper analogy to the topic.

"Out of the clouds strolled another Abe, a mirror image yet dressed nice and sleek
He had a sad look in his eyes -- Abe thought angrily, what did this imposter look to provide!?
His other self spoke gently,
"I got back together with our wife, reclaimed the business and kids"
"What?! How?"
"You weren't bankrupt, dumb ass. All you had to do was file the simplest shit.""

My favorite part of your piece was the ending because it fulfills the cause and thought of action earlier on in the story.

"The most curious thing happened when Abe vanished from the afterlife, back to his house
His kids were fast asleep, & there were no bloodstains splashed on the couch
Abe exhaled with relief, felt immense joy, but then there was a malicious twitch at his mouth
"...it appears I've reincarnated in order to invest in a purpose..."
On his lap was his old pistol. He locked and loaded, headed for Internal Revenue Service."

Overall both pieces were very thought provoking, which made this very hard to decide.
I think I will go with Vulgar due to his flexibility and twists on the topic. Although I thought this was very close in my opinion. Great job to both of you.

Vote - Vulgar