So with a thrust he grabbed her head and kissed her cheek,
Then laughter spread between them as they laid against the leaves
On the water tower perch of Hensley's Creek,
Up fifty feet and experiencing the day they had both wished to see,
And living in a trance, Suddenly Mary rubs Terry's dick with her hands
And instantly...He jizzed in his pants...
"Shit...This just got weird I'm going home," Mary says rubbing her sticky hands
But when she stands red and blue light appear on the road
And Terry screams, "Fuck!! I can't be here!! I'm stoned!!
.......NoOoOOoOOoOOooOooOoOoOooOOooo!!!!!......... '
lol this shit had me rollin zen, the fuck writes a piece like this you weirdo haha, that being said I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, actually readit to a couple friends visiting me in the hospital.
inno, whats good fam. I liked this piece but i just feel like you were trying to over do it with the vocab and essentially lost the flow and just my all around engagement. it started to drag and get boring and Ive read a lot from you so I know you're better than that. idk man just didn't feel this one very much,
example,
Promises between the lines led to an ominous decline.
Solace was divine that’s where the honest went to refine,
I think the word went sticks out like a sore thumb and could have been changed for flow
reprise an revise remaking the device steady breaking the sky.
The clouds heavy with rust, the rains poured heavy on the dust.
or here you could have either wrote poured heavy on dust or pours heavy on dust, that "the" before dust just seems out of place imo
Promise of the future left a wanting of now to resonate
to reverberate so a better foundation can cultivate.
But they over bait the fish and overstate their debate
over why its extinct.
A popular notion to populate with disgrace
misplaced ambitions dictates the pace
Fastlanes and airplanes, not bass lanes and grass plains
just glass stains and headaches and coffee stains.
The hypocritical think alike until they reach that brink
disturbing that perpetual bliss, refurbishing natures kiss.
I liked this part though
im going to go with zen for an overall more enjoyable piece imo
cheers fellas
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