great piece zygote, I liked the how this progressed..cool wording thought you did an excellent job dressing up some of those clichés and shit..beginning was a bit choppy but dam that middle part was meaty..really felt the emotion in that..then you set a great mood for remorse and sense of loss..dope imagery ontop of all of that. this was cool made man had a reall cool vibe that dug. you set a great mood through out he entire piece it read smooth and the transition of character and his emotions carried along well...gotta say I enjoyed this a lot from the language to the flow to the story...great stuff man
Quote:
|
And this is a big cliché. But this all like a dream, and I’m struggling to phrase everything.
|
thought that was dope.