[zygote]

For you, this is my writing for you on your behalf,
And all these words just can’t arrive soon enough.
So know when I use all these I’s, me’s and my’s - what I really mean is you, you, you.
I want it to be known.
You were everything to me and I can’t feel anything anymore now that you are gone.
And I don’t know if want to feel anything anymore if I cannot feel you again.
And this is a big cliché. But this all like a dream, and I’m struggling to phrase everything.
And even if I could, just what then?
You made me feel overwhelmed.
Honestly, there’s no clever or special way to express this properly,
I remember every small moment we spent together, unhappily.
I tried to make it rhyme but every rhyme limits what I really want to write here,
So please just forgive me because writing this to you just feels so surreal.
There are other things that I needed to tell you but it is not important now.
And I do not remember them without you around to remind me now.
In what other way can I explain?
Without your presence here I am just like an empty design.
Like an insignificant template with no clear end goal,
When we were together we screamed at each other. And rage made me smash the wall.
For that I am sorry.
Because even when I called you a whore and swore at you I still loved you, really,
And I am sorry for the times when you wanted to talk but I only wanted to watch the telly.
It’s not that I did not care, I did care, I have cared about you more than anything else.
I just cannot function normally, I never meant to ever cause you any permanent distress.
It was never you, it was always me, it is wrong I can only see that after the fact.
Do you remember my face when you told me that you left? I was shocked.
I tried to leave myself then. But I was too much of a coward,
I wanted to but could not do it, I did not want to see you along the way.
It is strange how I forgot the name that you were called,
Now I only can remember – You, and that’s all my thoughts.