[PancakeBrah]

Well.

split eight;

"Are you living, breathing, and acceptably conscious?
Please blink in your beady, TV scheduled responses."

Condescending and great. Said a lot in an economy of words. Good to great opening line. Grabs the readers attention. Beginning a piece with a question may seem amateurish but you used it well, and countered with the next line.

"We've been tied to our bretheren by 3D ventricle vomit,
but to succeed to our fullest, is to peel off the centripetal clauses
of this tealish and globular vehiclular-comet. I feel it more.
The Lostness. As if my dreams have been sequenced
in cloth, strummed across helicore- sponge clean cement floors
with the still-running maw of my dungeon-breathed boss-
'Tune into FUBAR 24.7 from sun-up to closure,
and catch the odd composure of our off-melodic funeral rock,
the slackjaw Top 20 Hit, "Bossanova in Keyboard" by Cubicle Sloths."

I'm sure the use of 3D is more apparent to someone more intelligent than me. But it seemed superfluous. I think centripetal causes is a great use of vocabulary. I'm usually not one to like unusual words in writing, but when you read the entire thought (centripetal clauses through The Lostness) it really is cohesive and almost necessary. The 'As if my dreams' through 'sponge cement floors' is top fucking notch. To me it was a depressing thought, I'm not sure if you intended it as such, but regardless it was written with a deft touch. The line after was weak, maw was one instance where your vocabulary was forced. I've used that word before, but in this instance it felt forced to me. It works as imagery, planting the boss as something more base than a human, but it just didn't land for me. Dungeon breathed boss the same. The last thought of this section was fun and funny, and Cubicle Sloths is a great satire on band names.

"They beseech you, crude cross emphatic, that -IMAGINE IS GOD-
as they spooned you proofs mathematic that the truth of all magic,
lies in inadequate bias towards thematics of science, reason & thought...
before the breach of a contract was unsleeved in Briefcases, by Glock.
I'm not pleading for off-brands. Not steeling my skin
for the singe of the sympathist's sin, not sobbing with God-Hand
as we sped along familiar flaws along Akina's twists.
Saccharine bliss met rhetoric raw in midst of Nazareth fogs,
subliminal Vatican slop. Sorry if my bible refs are token and basic.
I'm slipping this centerfold a seminal code, at request of the matrix-
apologies, Tron."

I liked 'beseech you', but did not like 'crude cross emphatic'. I enjoy the word beseech. But the CCE segment was too staccato for me and broke up the read through. A bit clunky sir. But the section from 'as they' through 'reason & thought' is in my opinion the best thing you've written on this site. I went through it multiple times. The rhythm is perfect, the rhymes tight, and it says something. I'm speaking in feed platitudes, but it was truly inspired. The finisher of the thought, 'glocks', was good too but not quite as dope as the previous two lines. Saccharine bliss/rhetoric raw was a cool juxtaposition. The Bible references missed me but you brought me right back in the 'token and basic' line. A nice bit of meta self-analysis and a touch of self-deprecation and humor in an otherwise serious verse. 'Apologies, Tron' was also funny and well worded.

"You'll never know the ending nodes won't awaken
again in the Kingdom of Hearts. Confess, I can't bury the CDs,
jay pegs, readings, the vids or the lyrics.
But I can set them in boxes, and never go near them."

I don't get the thought you're trying to convey in the first sentence, because I'm a moron. Cool Kingdom Hearts reference. I know it's a reference because you capitalized K and H. I'm fucking smart. The last thought of this section was dope, though, and almost acts as a parable. Usually parables aren't two sentences long and I'm sure there's a better work for this that I can't recall right now, but you know what I'm trying to say. SYMBOLISM! Wait, no. Maybe. It was dope, though. It invokes a mindset while painting a picture. I sound like an idiot. I liked it, though.

"Lived 1000 lives within life, professor emeritus leaving
to find I haven't experienced much.. the American species
would have me believe this bucket of ashes from Kansas
is just dust in the wounds of a madman.
The dreams never change."

I'll mention this later, but this was point where I thought you lost a bit of creativity and just started typing. The living 1000 lives idea is something your past in both writing and thought. I will say that I liked 'emeritus leaving' through 'experience much'. It's not groundbreaking, but you worded it well and it's a feeling that deserves being said. The rest I could do without.

"I am lost in somebody's forest.
Facial features darkened, the silhouettes were expected,
Wearing no spark of resemblence- recognition regressive.
So his song will evade you, since nostalgia's forsaken you
in an attic-set labryinth that switches every play-through, and listen,
Happiness happens. Misery's the shit that makes y'all (ed-no) revisit.
Time to keep rhyming these steely, eulogical rivets,
Someday you'll find it's you thats gone missing."

Nice finish. The section between the bold was just okay. I'm beginning to put your writing in the higher standard I put the vulgar's, bwhaha/dull's, blacks, etc. of the forum. It was good, but I want a bit more from you. I liked attic-set labryinth. The idea leading up to it, like I said, wasn't for me, but that phrase and wording was couched so perfectly into that I enjoyed it. The 'y'all' was your biggest misstep. It jived with the literacy of the verse so glaringly I literally shook my head. I liked the ending; it's not an entirely original thought but it meshed with the verse and gave the reader a good grasp of your point.

I read and reread this verse a few times, just trying to grasp the tone. And to Google a couple of words because you're enamored with vocabulary (not to a fault, necessarily). I can't decide if this was a pompous, wistful, or earnest diatribe, or a mix. Pompous in a good way, almost satirical. After my last reading I'm leaning towards wistful. The haughty language can make anything you write seem pompous if you're just skimming, but it seems that's just how you write. It's not good or bad, neither here nor there. Just a style. And this paragraph seems more negative than I want it to be; I thought this verse was spectacular. At least the large majority. This is cliche to say in feed, but rings true here, but the first half was much stronger than the second. I can almost pinpoint the place where you began to run on fumes. You regained steam right near the end, though. (Fume/steam is a dope feed metaphor, btw). But you had some absolute killers for lines strewn throughout this verse. I think I told you that you were one of my favorite writers in the last piece I fed of yours, and this only furthers that. You collaborated with a genius writer, and while I'm not going to pick a 'winner' or 'better' verse, you were able to stand out with your own style and make a truly well thought and meshed piece.

deadman;

"someday you'll find a receipt. and wonder
how much time a person buys in his sleep, for under
twenty six dollars and a sigh of relief
just wait. capitalism says you'll die in a week
the thunder bellows. walls separate, enlightenment leaks
cracking spiderwebs like rainforest, islanded beach
sandy seminars, my scholarship - the science of dreams
dissertations due the night you believe. try it and see
iron microchip sequences cyber viruses, freeze
typewriter whiskey and water, lantern lighting, serene"
masks off.
look around. your eyes are likely a leash
another diagram is right underneath. devoid in-between
Saria's Song on saxophone to silence the screams
lighting trees til there's not a drop of blood on the leaves
seems we're all looking older now, as summer recedes
smell the roses. stick your nose inside their fungus & sneeze
wonderland, the wunderkind, please. it's a natural trait
mathematic, abrasive. abacus factory-made
chained myself to the moment. made an elaborate escape
cause i never had anything interesting to say.
satisfaction's like a castle with palladium gates
or a class where every student's either absent or late
Split halves into 8th's, punch timecards, passion can wait
clockwork for bread. spread another crack in his face
Rhode scholars, camouflaged as addicts or saints
cocaine catholicism. pray they'll pass you a plate
valleys and lakes, rivers and tides, you live or you die
shut the fuck up or become the very thing you despise.
we're lost without a clue. but i was simple to find
in the cubicle where Kublai Khan and incubus lie
olympus will rise, like spinal column shifting chemical mind
there's paradise in poppy seeds, wisdom in wine.
if mission is rhyme - sip slow and let our documents shine
envisioning crime to serve justice like optometrist prime
for homogenous tribes in this particular groove,
religion is viewing different shadows on a similar moon
triforce when logic fails to hum a resonant truth
on forest frequencies too ancient to remember their roots..

I apologize for not being as in depth as I was for Split. But I do see your form of writing as the goal, something I aspire to re-create or come close to at my best. So separating out individual segments is tiresome; I only have so many superlatives. I will say that this wasn't my favorite verse from you; probably not in the Top 5. But that is more of a compliment than anything. I wrote this in a feed for Vulgar recently, and it applies here. I know what to expect but always come away surprised when I read your verses. The best compliment I can give is that I can't go in-depth and nitpick or isolate. I enjoyed reading this verse the multiple times I did, and everything was so fucking smooth, well worded, and thought out. The standard bearer.

As a group, this collab was great. Not only were there different styles (I don't understand the feed saying the styles were similar) but you tied in the differences with key words or allusions (mathematic, cubicle, Split halves into 8ths) and everything just flowed. An excellent piece of writing, thank you.

Nominated.