[Split]

ZenLand. You did a good job capturing the feeling behind the picture, incorporating the person's stance as well as the Blur of the passing train into metaphors. The conclusion was pretty strong, it ended the story on a literal and figurative level, pretty cool. Rhyming was nice throughout, wasn't a super tight rhyme scheme but it flowed well and you had good imagery

Coup. Was that imagery in your opener describing the colors of the speeding train? I thought that was neat, it's just how I interpreted it. Many of the following lines start off seemingly strong, but end in a way the idea gets lost on me. Imagery overload. No doubt it was lyrically sound and very creative, but the story itself was weak to me. The end was cool, but confused me more than it clarified things for me.

I think these two writers each showcased their abilities well, but Coup's actual verse did not leave the lasting impression that Zen's did. I enjoyed both pieces, but ZenLand is the clear winner to me. Good battle, great way to start the league off