[Strikta]

Well, I'm back.. just returned to Urbana.. I spent the night there. Going back tomorrow too.

I want to thank everyone who wished me well during this time.

My son is hooked up to a bunch of shit in this room & they would only let me see him briefly. Doctors have said there is a 50/50 shot he makes it.. they are mostly worried about heart failure. Everything else about him is healthy as can be but there's some kind of valve issues w/ his heart. He's really little & I broke down when I saw him.. he is my only child born & I pray SO MUCH that he lives.

The whole thing w/ the ex bf was blown outta proportion.. he was already at the hospital for another reason.. & there was no crying on his part. I asked my girl about what I was told on the phone by her mother, & she was like wtf are u talking about.. yeah he was here.. but I was only one crying ect.. she got hella pissed from seeing what I was trying to insinuate. Apparently he was emotional but there were no tears.. mostly because of his own issues there at the hospital(I didn't ask what they were.

I slept in the room in a chair right beside her & watched basic cable all night.. she slept peacefully for the most part. The incision scar on her belly is crazy tho.. I felt terrible.. actually I felt like a complete jackass for having certain thoughts cross my mind about the whole situation too. She's innocent, I can tell... tho I'll still have the DNA test done at some point just to be %100 sure.

She told me the doctors want her staying admitted there for at least another 2-3 days for observation & what not. \

Out of nowhere this excruciating pain hit her midsection while she was doing laundry at her moms house.. she had to be rushed by ambulance... there was nothing up to that point that gave her any reason to think the baby would be born prematurely.. no pains.. no doctor warnings.. nothing.

THis shit is so crazy & my head is so fucked up.. I just pray my son makes it out of this & doesn't die.

I will be crushed if he gets taken from me.