[Certain]

Zenland: I don't know what to make of this. There were a few strong parts, but the rhyming was really, really forced. You made up several words just to rhyme, i.e. "spinned," "welped" and "cappelos" (though "whelped" means "birthed," which didn't make sense in context anyway). Moreover your content was all over the place. Writing about an acid trip is about the lamest, most clichéd thing ever, so if that's all this was, that's a serious cop-out. It's basically a license to write about whatever you want and call it a story. But it's not. And I don't think this was at all either. Parts of it felt almost like you were writing about the Vietnam War, but there were no specific clues or details for me to stake that interpretation on. So I really don't know. This is one of those verses where you can tell the writer has a lot of potential but didn't compose his thoughts well enough.

Rawn MD: Honestly, this verse was pretty weak. You spent 28 lines doing nothing but developing the character, and those 28 lines were redundant and shallow. Then you gave the character half a plot, but cut it short right when it got interesting. Were we supposed to assume the jig's up? I thought the approach to the picture was OK, and if you had spent more time on developing a plot, you could have had a pretty strong verse. Your flow was very smooth, as always, even though you were ridiculously sloppy with your typing. There's really not a lot to say. You won because Zenland was all over the place, but we both know you can do much better.

Vote: Rawn MD