Netcees - View Single Post - Week 1 - YDK vs. Scripter - YDK WINS 8-2

NYCSPITZ · 09-25-2013, 05:30 PM

cool battle,

I thought a lot of scripter's wording and delivery was on point. The opening 2 lines were sick and imo this was ill imagery:

"heard through the conch shell's echo of gull calls"

It was strong at points but I felt you could have fleshed out the verse a bit more. I saw the connection between bars but they weren't as emphatic as YDK's. So your concepts were strong but the execution could've been a bit better, maybe go over it a few times to fix the minor grammatical errors and by doing that you'll find even better ways of wording and executing ideas with a stronger continuity throughout the verse.

YDK's was nice, cool storytelling with an undercurrent of "money isn't everything". While I would probably contend through personal interpersonal relationships that rich people are happier than poor people 99 times out of 100, there are certainly rich bachelors out there who have neglected everything else in their lives other than accumulating wealth which is imo very unfortunate. The wording, flow, scheme was dope and a clear continuity makes this read the winner this round.

V/ YDK

09-25-2013, 05:30 PM	#5
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,031 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743547	cool battle, I thought a lot of scripter's wording and delivery was on point. The opening 2 lines were sick and imo this was ill imagery: "heard through the conch shell's echo of gull calls" It was strong at points but I felt you could have fleshed out the verse a bit more. I saw the connection between bars but they weren't as emphatic as YDK's. So your concepts were strong but the execution could've been a bit better, maybe go over it a few times to fix the minor grammatical errors and by doing that you'll find even better ways of wording and executing ideas with a stronger continuity throughout the verse. YDK's was nice, cool storytelling with an undercurrent of "money isn't everything". While I would probably contend through personal interpersonal relationships that rich people are happier than poor people 99 times out of 100, there are certainly rich bachelors out there who have neglected everything else in their lives other than accumulating wealth which is imo very unfortunate. The wording, flow, scheme was dope and a clear continuity makes this read the winner this round. V/ YDK Last edited by NYCSPITZ; 09-25-2013 at 05:32 PM.