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Old 09-21-2013, 10:56 PM   #2
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

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Under new management, the slaves of Maximus
the muses don't matter it's the use of the canvas'
paint the town red and use the entrails as banisters
no time for useless mannerisms, choose to battle us...
^^all of these end rhymes here seem extremely strained imo. Idk if it's because we have different accents or what, but they just don't rhyme to me. Cool concept but wasn't executed

raised out of a different page in the age of excellance
aided neglecence to the heavens & set flame to a Pegasus
take that with your high horse...
I only speak to myself because confidence is a divine source
^^best portion of this verse.

I've seen better from you man. Those first four lines just fucked this up for me.
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