Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaeo Seru
not feeling the structure of this. and the wording seems almost random. like you found half written bars and collected them together and tried to collage them. felt too random with the lack of focus. some decent rhyming here and there. but the delivery suffered. I see gems that can be polished and stand on their own as a centerpiece for something more. i do look forward to reading more from you
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I brainstormed this piece. Getting my feet wet. Thank you for the feed!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zenland
and that would be wat exacted grief in this lasting peace... having back what these bastards lack but still nabbed from ME...
^^Pretty dope there I thought.
The way you set it up at first glance made me not wanna read this but I'm glad I did. Some pretty good shit. Flowed well with some great swag and flow peppered throughout. Keep droppin man. Looking forward to seein what you do in the AOWL.
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Thats wassup. I look forward to reading more of your joints as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fig
Sounds like a social critique on the players persona
but it's likely I'm off, this is pretty vague. I like the style, and I think you could do more with it. Just give us some more context. Tune up, elevation, no buttons. That feels so empty. The middle regions were better but make a greater attempt with your introduction. That's all
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My personality is faithful to my name, which can help and hurt my writing at times. Greatly appreciate the feed.