Thread: my if
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Old 09-20-2013, 12:58 AM   #6
Certain
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This was pretty good. As always, a lot of thoughts were left unfinished, but I like that in your style. The rhymes weren't as tight as usual, and some of the punctuation tripped me up. But there were a few really strong sections:

Quote:
obtuse in my tomb of thinking. while shooting a crescent lunar, perfect penchant, you’d think a lunatic would’ve welded it exclusively for you.
Quote:
blade along my face. i lather in the blood i taste. you were the only person ever brave enough to defrost this hyperborean fate.
Quote:
it's nothing, out of whim, i'd love to chat about how much you love me. i love you, and it's quick but will you marry me?
The stuff about the girl was better than the stuff not about the girl.
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