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namix · 02-11-2013, 06:03 PM

@Utmost @Cashius

Reply to Utmost' breakdown - makes sense, good questions/thoughts/explainations brotha!

1st line i was using 'White lie' as little fib for the first part, but for the 2nd part I did make a coke reference, using 'lie'
as in lie down. it looks weird because usually its lying down. but in something like golf. your ball can have a 'bad lie'

all in all. white, lie on the table was a coke ref. n the multi went with it. I do see that it is written a bit awkwardly now though
--=]> word up, read this after my breakdown (deliberately), i think the example i gave you addresses both yours and Cashius' point

2nd line. pretty much like you read, i thought it was clever when i wrote it. but Is their an efficient way that you have found to make general punches SEEM more personal.
--=]> great question - yea, I would lean on the setup hardcore... even if you don't know where he's from, you could say "He's from RM", yadayada... it will make you "hailing from parts unknown..." more relevant in itself, and make it appear more personal even though it really isnt

3rd line UT, I...tbh honest just used Ill Nika's initial for the I. I was originally trying to glorify my own nameplay while dissing his. with a 'your girl punch'
--=]> yea man, just too much thought going into this one for anyone else to pick up on... Even if your name was "UT" and his name was "I" (no initials), i'm not sure what i'd think about this punch - so this one is a scrapper to me.

4th line. I definitely agree with more extreme part. it would hit harder, it was a simple concept but alot of heads seem to JUST smack ppl with em.
--=]> i agree with BOTH of you - i liked this line for the simplicity, especially coming off of the UTI punch which made me think way too hard --- what you could do to maintain the simplicity AND make it more complex (i know it sounds counterintuitive), but is to "enrich" the concept --- build the concept a bit more (to appeal to what Cashius is looking for), BUT do it in a way that EASILY connects with "Kind"... a lot of dudes would be able to grasp "Kind" in terms of premium bud ---- if you added some complexity and built off of "the years haven't been kind - they havent even been shwag" type concept -- it would connect with KIND better, and leave you a lot of room to add another layer of depth (shwag found in a dime bag in the gutter).. just an example, but you feel me?

its that harsh, abruptness i need help with

5th line was elder rives..rive as in split or rend, orig. i was tryin to tie the physical parts in my setup down to the wordplay
--=]> wow, i wasnt picking up on this at all -- that's very creative, but just not in context at all -- i never really hear "rives" --- just too much for most heads to pick up on i imagine, but creative thought nonetheless.

02-11-2013, 06:03 PM	#6
namix been that, done there. Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 2,259 Battle Record: 2-1 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 85246655	@Utmost @Cashius Reply to Utmost' breakdown - makes sense, good questions/thoughts/explainations brotha! 1st line i was using 'White lie' as little fib for the first part, but for the 2nd part I did make a coke reference, using 'lie' as in lie down. it looks weird because usually its lying down. but in something like golf. your ball can have a 'bad lie' all in all. white, lie on the table was a coke ref. n the multi went with it. I do see that it is written a bit awkwardly now though --=]> word up, read this after my breakdown (deliberately), i think the example i gave you addresses both yours and Cashius' point 2nd line. pretty much like you read, i thought it was clever when i wrote it. but Is their an efficient way that you have found to make general punches SEEM more personal. --=]> great question - yea, I would lean on the setup hardcore... even if you don't know where he's from, you could say "He's from RM", yadayada... it will make you "hailing from parts unknown..." more relevant in itself, and make it appear more personal even though it really isnt 3rd line UT, I...tbh honest just used Ill Nika's initial for the I. I was originally trying to glorify my own nameplay while dissing his. with a 'your girl punch' --=]> yea man, just too much thought going into this one for anyone else to pick up on... Even if your name was "UT" and his name was "I" (no initials), i'm not sure what i'd think about this punch - so this one is a scrapper to me. 4th line. I definitely agree with more extreme part. it would hit harder, it was a simple concept but alot of heads seem to JUST smack ppl with em. --=]> i agree with BOTH of you - i liked this line for the simplicity, especially coming off of the UTI punch which made me think way too hard --- what you could do to maintain the simplicity AND make it more complex (i know it sounds counterintuitive), but is to "enrich" the concept --- build the concept a bit more (to appeal to what Cashius is looking for), BUT do it in a way that EASILY connects with "Kind"... a lot of dudes would be able to grasp "Kind" in terms of premium bud ---- if you added some complexity and built off of "the years haven't been kind - they havent even been shwag" type concept -- it would connect with KIND better, and leave you a lot of room to add another layer of depth (shwag found in a dime bag in the gutter).. just an example, but you feel me? its that harsh, abruptness i need help with 5th line was elder rives..rive as in split or rend, orig. i was tryin to tie the physical parts in my setup down to the wordplay --=]> wow, i wasnt picking up on this at all -- that's very creative, but just not in context at all -- i never really hear "rives" --- just too much for most heads to pick up on i imagine, but creative thought nonetheless.