yo... the same problems plague you that I mentioned last time. You've got the instincts and the general welfare of a writer who knows what he's doing. Structure's gotta go, also every verse you write is almost written with the exact same tone. Concept-wise, you are a bright guy and can pen some innovative stories. Formula will improve as you further elevate your execution in some cases.
He trained me diligently, a teleporting
method that he used brilliantly
The only way to get a release is to
watch the razor slide thru meat
resiliently
I was anti-social, timid of mankind
with childlike vocals
With my friendships on standby, I
adapted to the wildlife like most do
Detectives were closing in as his
botched murders were closely linked
Our habitat was decorated with
mostly skin
^This part was nice.
I don't have anything else to say at the moment, tune in next week.
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