[namix]

GENOCIDE
Lord of swag n flow, sword of dragon bones pulled from portals -blackish holes
Back of stones, used to lift this massive pole, that would cause a collapse of the average joe
I'm black sabbath fagot, all humor is dead, it bled, then i smoked hookahs with death
Made of humans & flesh, and sexed on the same beautiful threads, where lord lucifer slept
--=)> great start here - solid imagery and definitely strong creativity conceptually -- as ive mentioned before, i never really got into snf before -so (both you and pent) should take my feedback in stride since you had more at bats than me here -- but i'll always try to kick some feedback in case it helps, and there is a little "trick" i've observed in SNF after several reads in the last week. and in battles i am a huge stickler for 'conceptual setup' -- ensuring the right context is built to deliver the punch -- but in snf, i actually think both the flow and even the creative allusion comes off more impactful with the concept of "less is more" in terms of words... so with like:

"Back of stones, used to lift this massive pole, that would cause a collapse of the average joe"

to my - simply making a line like this more concise by limiting conjunctions or adverbs and shit that dont create more meaning (or add to the flow), it works even better to me:

"with a back of stones, casting massive poles at my foes, collapsing those average joes"

my feedback is more about what i took away than what i added to keep general syllable count -- this breakdown was just as much for me, if not more so, than for you lol.


Intense when ur demons a freak -we frolick, after we've both eaten from the trees of knowledge
when I sneeze the pollen, demonic breezes concieve where my seeds were plotted, breath in silence
A brand new disease to polish -it chokes your life, skates through hearts -put ur soul on ice
A poltergeist, swagger and flow this nice can only be mine, divine, unless your totally blind
--=)> ooh, i like the conceptual flow here from lucifers bed (which was cool) through this whole section... i think the 'word brevity' is a real cool consideration for you bro -- even by just saying instead of "after we've both eaten from the trees of knowledge" -- just saying "ur demons a freak, we frolick & eat from trees of knowledge" -- sure you can keep 'we' in as well but i just think trimming down on the random words like 'after', and 'both', 'from'/etc. makes cool concepts of yours that much more fluid

i like your conceptual build from the tree of knowledge, to sneeze the pollen - seeds too.. it's great flow as well, which isn't always easy to maintain. good shit there. love the concept of 'breathe in silence' - small point - but in this case that missing "E" is important -- changing "breath" to "breathe" (which i am sure you intended.)

another observation re: snf which it seems to be the biggest (subtle?) nuance which i've noticed is that importance of "transitionary flow" -- consider how you introduce your next rhyme/scheme - something that would not come naturally to me but i can appreciate enough to do it if i put my head down --- beyond like just tying the first rhyme in a line to the last line, and ending with a new end rhyme -- slowly transitioning it and having call backs to the original rhyme for a couple lines is something that would take this type of rhyme from really good, to pretty much perfect form man (again, a detail i do not for a second claim to execute myself) -- the example im thinking of writing this is 'disease to polish - it chokes your life - skates thru hearts - put ur soul on ice'

personally, if Disease to Polish was say your "A" rhyme, which you were KILLING in the past several bars, and "Choke your life" was your "B" rhyme -- an amazing attention to detail, again just to me, in a snf verse would be to have like at least 1 bar/2 lines where there was a transition to the new rhyme.

A inner, A inner, A inner, A inner
A inner, A inner, A inner, A inner

A inner, B inner, A inner, B inner
A inner, B inner, A inner, B inner

B inner, B inner, B inner, B inner
B inner, B inner, B inner, B inner

(again, figuring this 'ish out myself as i provide feedback - pardon all the detail and feel free to ignore if im too deep here lol)



Open ur eyes, focus or die, or clothe in fucking cloaks nd disguise, cuz genocides cobras can fly
Its like the fuckin vulcans arrived, with spock nd his goons, knockin the boots -nd its not an illusion
Stop the confusion, Ill put the optical truth on my swastika roots, to prove youre not this abusive
I'm the conclusion when bad met evil and rhymed, your a feeble design, of ancient people that died
--=)> really liked your usage of inners here -- breaks it up well -- good concepts again... the flow was pretty sick with the cobras can fly line -- but appreciated the flow in with the inners even more so

Keep it in mind, its suicide when you weak in the spine, to think u could compete with my climb
Your fecal inside -while I harvest the darkest intent, cause nd effect, pent -this is off with ur head
--=)> very cool ender, very good verse and well worth the read and my time friend -- solid flow and great creativity throughout imo.


Pent uP
Redded-eye logic & congested-like coughin from hella high chronic -
You're lucky if you'd get to die off it - but I keep the genocide flawless
- Murdering rappers with superlative factors in the set of rhymes offered.
You're pressed behind, walking - prison rules - handling only the cleft of my pocket.
--=)> oooh - superlative words to describe this kickoff, this was pretty dope.. i'd actually say because of your inners, your end rhyme in line 3 & 4 (rhymes offered / my pocket) coulda been a bit tighter -- those types of multis work when you go heavy with the same multi imo, but you broke up that flow with other whymes so i kinda lost track by the time i got to "pocket" if you know what i mean. I liked your description and general delivery of concepts - creative angles to convey common points (redded-eye logic) -- cool shit.

I'm pressure - nine rockets - to your Smith N Wesson line's blockage.
Pent is psychotic - wrestling cylcops' in desert-mine moshpits.
I'm breaded like Shulz is - Making millions after my death.
I aint dead yet though - got the contentious soul that rap resurrects.
--=)> im pressure - nine rockets to your smith and wesson line's blockage = Ill.

I am not a huge fan of the third-person unless it adds tremendous value to the flow or is a funny observation re: the third person itself -- I think just saying "Psychotic." is even better - but trivial point - wrestling cyclopses in desert mine moshpits is dope too, just a great concept. actually the second two lines felt like a huge drop off to me, just based on flow and creativity, but that is in part because of how ill i thought the first two lines were and i also appreciate the idea of evaluating an snf as a whole verses a breakdown like im doing lol

Got your chick on her knees from mistletoe leaves strapped to my belt -
thick white spit from her cheeks drips and it leaks while she's gasping for help
like its dutch oven, singular - you go out smelling like McLovin after a fucking prison term.
How I know you're gay: You giving your blood-cousins gift of sperm.
--=)> hah, cool -- liked the inners and overall floww with the description - once again, the first two lines were a lot iller than the next two for me, primarily in flow -- didnt like the concepts here near as much as others -- but the description coupled with rhyme in the first two were pretty tight.


I love cum guzzling single girls - who take the wood deep in their favorite hoody
while I stay slaying pussy harder than drunken euthanasia rookies.
--=)> drunken euthanasia rookies? lol i mean it made me laugh but more outta confusion - i dont like where you went toward the end of this verse but cant decide whether that's because i LOVED where you started yo.


VOTE:

this was a good read fellas - sorry i took a couple days, been busy as hell - but as promised i got to it and hopefully you find the feedback valuable because it may have taken more time for me to provide feedback than for ya'll to write your verses lol....


This is why it's a strange/challenging vote IMO:
-- when i read Pent's first 6 lines -- i literally thought "oh shit" in my head, muh boy Geno is about to get smoked. I thought Pent started off very ill - true to the form, strong scheme, good imagery and great concepts.
-- Geno had good concepts and solid flow -- all throughout his verse. while i think Pent's first half was real dope shit, Geno's ceiling wasnt as high here --- BUT his flow wasnt near as low in the end
-- where Pent went in the end like threw me off -- it seemed like he wrote the first 6 lines in a moment of just fire and inspiration, and the last six man, just way too much sperm and cum talk that wasn't delivered in an overly creative (or amazingly 'fluid', yuck yuck) enough way to make up for the content...
- Pent impressed me the most with his start -- and yet - disappointed me the most with his finish -- which stood out more due to a REAL ILL start imo.
- Geno had gems intermixed throughout, and in parts that i thought fell off vs. his best, he didn't fall off as much... it felt more fluid and consistent conceptually -- like Geno wrote his verse in one sitting, and Pent wrote the first part on an awesome high and the second part during a horrible hangover lol...

Very cool read fellas - hope the above makes sense. I expect love for this feedback cuz i just spent an hour breaking this down and i have NO TIME yo lol

vote - Genocide

stay up fellas.