[PancakeBrah]

Alliteration is a weak writing tool unless it's just to prove a point as a gimmick.

"Excuses oozed their smooches smooth as lubed masseuses
Yet with the Ruthlessness of noob’s and rube’s fruitlessness
Violations against friends and kin, selfish subterfuge
Placing bets you’ll win with poison until the shellfishes guts will ooze"

Dope. I like the use of 'rube'. Underused word, it's fun as fuck. You know that. Say it out loud. Rube. Great. I liked the second couplet more, but this was a fun escalator ride.

"Dues paid, sell your soul for office seat cellulite
Crews raped in the fold, as darkness scarred the bright"

The best bar in terms of content. I relate.

This is one of the few open mic's you've written were I've gotten the message/point. Not coincidentally, I enjoyed this the most of anything I've read from you. Aside from the beginning alliteration, I enjoyed it all the way through.