"Who are they who came with you? Why is your vehicle damaged?"
^ When making this topic I was thinking about E.T.'s. All the topics this week were in some way related to thinking about E.T.'s. So you can imagine the surprise to find such varied interpretations of the topic stimulus.
Firstly, Pent uP I gave your submission a skim through because it looked quite long just to get familiar with it. Then came a detailed reading, the striking feature is the driving force of the story comes not really from the actions described, but rather from the implied relationships between these characters. It was very interesting how you were using the action not to further the story but to explore this dynamic between the four individuals. The character of the driver is I suspect deliberately plain, the kind of everyman character which works well as a blank canvas. The three brothers are in comparison well developed and varied, their interplay with the main character is the highlight of the submission.
Secondly, Nigma I enjoyed it a lot, but perhaps the lack of definitive place or time was slightly disappointing. Maybe you intended it to stand as a warning against all forms of colonialism etc but I kept on reading hoping for a stronger setting. There are clues like the ships called "La Pinta, then The Nina, and the Santa Maria" - perhaps Portuguese or Spanish ships, but it is nothing conclusive. Also, the extreme violence from the colonizers seems unrealistic and a bit underdeveloped. It felt like a missed opportunity to explore the interplay between 2 completely alien cultures, themes of disease, technology, culture shock all felt unexplored. There is also some minor issue with proofreading, "Soveirgn" stood out, its nothing actually taking away from your message but it does distract a little.
If either wants a greater analysis there is more content in the upcoming weekly memo in your respective review sections. Voted for Pent uP.
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