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Swerve · 09-09-2013, 10:50 AM

9:32 AM - I've been stewing this shit for a long time. My innards feel like they are close to exploding, but I must press on for my dear friend Veritas. I am recording all of my feelings and thoughts on this notepad as I sit cross-legged in this rocking chair. I believe it is of the IKEA brand. High quality stuff for a low low price. It took me months to put it together, but finally I realized that I was reading the Dutch instructions. Also, I would make every attempt at constructing the chair while I was impaired with alcohol. Needless to say, the homosexuals at IKEA that sold it to me would be proud.

10:18 AM - I'm unsure what just happened. I may have either let a slightly wet fart out or pooped a little. I'm sure we've all had those moments, but I am afraid to check. I feel no remorse if I did poop a little as this IKEA chair has brought me nothing but pain. I call her Robranda. She is of sturdy construct, but with the design appeal of a wildebeest. When I put her together, I remember thinking about how IKEA manages to sell such terrible unfinished furniture to people. Then I remembered that they have hotdogs and ice cream for a dollar. It's all a ploy.

10:50 AM - I have decided I will call the IKEA complaints department and tell them about Robranda. Would it be funny if I actually referred to my chair as Robranda? I'm sure the guys on Netcees will like it, but it might confuse the department staff. Maybe I will tell them that I plan on defecating on Robranda before I attempt to return it. Does IKEA take returns if you shit on them? I wouldn't, but I'm sure that its not addressed in their return policy so I will get away with it.

More to come as I chronicle my bowel movement.

09-09-2013, 10:50 AM	#36
Swerve SDub Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,874 Battle Record: 40-34 Champed - Alias Tourney III (Heroes vs. Villians) - Fight Night LXIV - Netcees Battle League Rep Power: 64920327	9:32 AM - I've been stewing this shit for a long time. My innards feel like they are close to exploding, but I must press on for my dear friend Veritas. I am recording all of my feelings and thoughts on this notepad as I sit cross-legged in this rocking chair. I believe it is of the IKEA brand. High quality stuff for a low low price. It took me months to put it together, but finally I realized that I was reading the Dutch instructions. Also, I would make every attempt at constructing the chair while I was impaired with alcohol. Needless to say, the homosexuals at IKEA that sold it to me would be proud. 10:18 AM - I'm unsure what just happened. I may have either let a slightly wet fart out or pooped a little. I'm sure we've all had those moments, but I am afraid to check. I feel no remorse if I did poop a little as this IKEA chair has brought me nothing but pain. I call her Robranda. She is of sturdy construct, but with the design appeal of a wildebeest. When I put her together, I remember thinking about how IKEA manages to sell such terrible unfinished furniture to people. Then I remembered that they have hotdogs and ice cream for a dollar. It's all a ploy. 10:50 AM - I have decided I will call the IKEA complaints department and tell them about Robranda. Would it be funny if I actually referred to my chair as Robranda? I'm sure the guys on Netcees will like it, but it might confuse the department staff. Maybe I will tell them that I plan on defecating on Robranda before I attempt to return it. Does IKEA take returns if you shit on them? I wouldn't, but I'm sure that its not addressed in their return policy so I will get away with it. More to come as I chronicle my bowel movement. __________________ No Cap Gang.