[Certain]

Pent uP: It takes a lot to create a story like this from scratch with so many moving parts when you're dealing with this format and line limitations (not from the league but for the reader). Overall, your effort was good. But there were some flaws and sticking points that made it a bit jumpy, especially the first time I read through it. The second, knowing the pieces that were in place, I could put together images more easily. But for instance, you opened the story saying "I'm riding with idiots," and it's not until about 12 lines later that we learn you're the driver. The rhymes were all over the place. Sometimes they were perfect, sometimes they were forced and sometimes they didn't match up. But I have to give you credit for telling a story with a lot of loose details and characterizations to build into one verse. I wish the action would have went in a clearer direction, as there didn't really seem to be a purpose to the story or a logical end point. And why end on a cliched quote that seems both out of context and unlike what the character would say? It would have been better to end on the penultimate line. The entire verse felt like the first draft to something that ends up better.

Nigma: The Planet of the Apes prophesy to start your verse really threw me off because I recognized it and allowed it to change how I read the verse the first time through. I guess I was disappointed that it was just cribbed into a story about Native Americans, then. I thought you could have done something more creative with the approach. But the writing was spot-on. You used a wide variety of rhyme schmes, going with all sorts of techniques. But the writing stayed clear throughout. I thought the writing here clearly outstriped the content, which isn't ideal for a topic such as this one. But I'm going to twist that by saying that this was a really good approach to the topic. In comparison to Pent uP, who went for a straightforward narrative directly relating to the topic, you went for a more creative approach that still dealt with it. I think you should have incorporated more of the second part of the question, but I appreciated the effort to go beyond the obvious. But mostly the writing won this for you.

Vote: Nigma