Thread: I <3 schemes
View Single Post
Old 09-06-2013, 06:26 PM   #15
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,054
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345604
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Innovator View Post
Ok so this starts off really dopd with some pretty smooth imagery great start to thw piece tbh. Though you say its love about some of your word choices seemed off..orr didnt fit with that tone the subject love produces. Words like aint, cause, and the last couple lines seemd a bit lazy. I would like to have seen morw lines like the wearing the moon and the one that follows that actually...those lines had depth and a profound sense to them that I enjoyed..and yes the flow was on point.

Nothing bad about this read I enjoyed it. Aside from what I pointed out this was cool . and tbh what I mentioned u cab chalk it up to personal preference...keep posting
Word, word. I see what you mean, now. Ain't, and 'cause are like hate words. Words one uses when they're indifferent and shit. Yeah. That's real. Real talk @Innovator. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind next time I write a love piece. 'cause ain't ain't the cause of love, it's 'cause the cause of hate, ain't it?

Last edited by dull boy; 09-06-2013 at 06:29 PM.
dull boy is offline   Reply With Quote