First off, welcome back.
The first section was the strongest. The descriptions were vivid, though I'm not sure if "whitlow" means something other than a finger absess in England. This was the strongest section of the entire piece:
Quote:
the sign above the bar blinks apple-neon, one broke bulb is a crypt for the flies
you've pissed on your thighs, head cranked back and tilted, like you're kissing the sky
you're beautiful. Below the methane emissions that hang like a rainbow
i lay my head on this magnanimous angel, fall fast asleep in her halogen halo
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It was a bit overwrought, but what isn't? I think you could sleek down your writing with fewer similes, though. Though I liked the rainbow one, they can get wearisome, and straightforward metaphors often punch up writing more.
Now, let's talk about the plot. So there's a lot of intentional ambiguity here. I recognize that the entirety of the verse was metaphorical, but I wish there had been a slightly more direct exposition. To my understanding, our narrator is a drug or a drug dealer. I couldn't quite grasp why the second stanza was written as a letter from "Tomorrow" when it seemed to be from the same narrator as the other two stanzas.
I think I missed connections on a few of the dots, and that meant that the emotional effect of the last two stanzas was dampened. I loved the first couplet of the third stanza, but I had a hard time exactly placing what it meant in the context of this. So she's living a clean life, and our drug/drug dealer/fellow drug addict narrator resents her for it. That's what I've gathered.
Anyway, I really dig your diction. Your rhymes are unimpressive but secondary and almost incidental, in a good way. You don't allow them to control your writing at all. It would be nice to see a better mastery of that aspect, but it also makes your writing stand out in this realm to lack in that category a bit. You have a very human but poetic voice and way of capturing small images. It wouldn't be a bad idea to further develop the bigger picture, though.