This was way too simplistic. I mean, the words weren't even words sometimes: "younglin," "runned," "egostical."
You need to buckle down and consider your words as you select them. The content jumped around a lot, which can be find if it's interesting. But the individual lines were thin, cliché and poorly rhymed.
This was the part I liked the most:
Quote:
zoned on his playlist, likely stoned kid
could never stay grounded no matter how much you ground him
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The reason I liked that was because you created a concrete image and used a nice twist on a phrase. The rhyme didn't work even as a slant, but I suppose the internals could keep it from failing completely.
Work on developing images like that, and do it using stronger rhymes.