ya i liked this piece guy. would sound really sick spit. your structure wasnt complex but the vocab was. its hard to string together so many words without using conjuctions. good work. was a little abstract in content , more of a flex verse, would love to see what you could do on a topic or storytelling tip. check out our writing league it has two weeks left but you get plenty of feedback in there.
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=13242
check it out. good piece here.