[PancakeBrah]

So this isn't really even open for votes as Adonis basically posted a no-show verse.

Nigma this was a pretty good verse. My advice to you would be to not try metaphors/similes/punchlines because that's the weakest part of your writing. Or at least look towards better purveyors of said mechanics and elevate. Some of your rhymes missed me, but you truly did have bright spots.

"Spewing the facts of life, you only true when the task is dying
Knew he had passed his prime so I threw him on past horizons
Viewing the crashing site and the beauty it catalyzes"

The first two lines were nothing special but the last line was neat.

"Inhale fumes till I catch on fire in a rapture minded stature
I am choosing the last survivor with the catch-a-liar method"

Nice little bit of swag. Cool rhymes.

"I'm a black mage on the Sabbath, the last days of a rapture
A man trained as assassin, I'm Max Payne with a cannon"

Ditto. Newer ages/lunar rays, the was cool, too.

"So I'm always solitary and alone the poems can rescue me
Boatloads of the recipe, coke-nosed to suppress the beef
Patron, smoke, and some ecstasy, my own soul is repressing me"

Cool.


Just a quick read-through and conciliatory breakdown. There were definitely some portions of the verse I thought were weak, but I'm not bothered to break a noshow battle down all crazy. Overall, more positive than negative. Keep elevating.