three years running shopping cart attendant of the month at his dad's snowblower dealership
found his wardrobe at the middle school gym's lost and found
Nitrus Brio Jr.
used to wear his letterman jacket for tennis under every outfit
Srsly looks like Andy Roddick raised his autistic son in a Walmart clothes rack
has been trying to get his deaf friend to teach him how to say "pube salad" in Braille for their entire friendship
this niggas got trig functions for eyebrows
Was born without a personal bubble
has the charisma of an autocorrected Mein Kampf read by Microsoft Sam
all of his pickup lines are sexual knock knock jokes
he stole those lips from a coinpurse
Considers The Sims: Making Magic to be the best game ever created
currently on house arrest for extreme cyber bullying on Mario Kart DS's chat channel
couldn't think of a name for his balls so he used his grandparents' names
got thrown out of his church for surprise christening them at his brother's First Communion
if that tattoo was any gayer, Bruno Mars fans would travel to his house in Newark every year to pay respects