[Certain]

Given the disconnected feel of the piece as a whole and the subject line describing this as "random blurbs of shit I started writing but was too lazy to complete," I'll give this a stanza-by-stanza breakdown.

Stanza 1: I didn't like the opening line. Really, the first four lines were weak. Then the last one was such a great concept that I wish it had been used in a stronger, more fulfilled.

Stanza 2: This was my favorite part of the whole thing. The "orange & plastic as cones" line was really terrific, and though there's still some disconnect between the lines in this stanza, it felt more complete and less cliche. Also, the rhymes were particularly strong here.

Stanza 3: I liked the first half of this. Then you sort of began riding the rhymes to the point where it just seemed lazy. The couplet starting with "Old folks?" reminded me a little too much of that Insane Clown Posse song about science. The witty lines were the best, but the content maybe was a bit too deep and real to simply be glossed over in favor of rhymes. If you're going to flex, do it about something meaningless.

Stanza 4: This seemed more playful. I liked the bouncing around more here because it felt more organic and less laconic. The last line was my favorite, and I think it sort of summarized the frustration of the verse while coming right off the humor of the previous one.

Stanza 5: I think this is the one that I would have liked to have seen a longer version of the most. You had a cool twist on the ocean-liquor thing, and it seemed like this stanza was gaining momentum right at the point where it ended. It was nice to see you extend a metaphor beyond one or two lines, and that's probably the direction I would like to see you go next.