[Defy Gravity]

A blue LED set mood lighting - and
played stupendously with the moon
lighting.
It was a calm hue that made my
heavy eyes move - tightening.


I like it. sets the tone early


I felt too bided to fight it but my
agitation soon heightened.
The back patio wouldve of been
illuminated but the Oaks stood like
obtuse giants



dope visuals and wording A+



- casting shadows on half the deck.
My imagination's outclassed itself -
Filling the outside with woods and
wolves and assassin's steps.



this describes insomnia perfect. at night you hear all kind of shit when you cant sleep



Anything thats casting death, each
gasp and belch - feeling that
obsessed.
Old saw logs was at it again - and I
was going to snap that neck


don't understand



and call it an accident...but then I'd
be stuck using my hand.
I dont want my palm going bushy
Magilla while im apeshit glued in this
jam.



ok at best




She tosses and kicks, spittle falls off
the lips and flows into my own hand.
Even the Egyptian cat kneading can't
save me in this tomb of the damned.



I like it. more like your mind wondering


What do I do in the span of time until
the sun is shining?
My fucking eyelids want to shut
down - but the walls give me too
much excitement.


don't we just stare aimlessly at the wall as if its telling us something. brillant



It's easy to lie - on my back - quiet
while keeping feelings inside.
If I dont smash the vehicle - then I
guess I'll sleep when I die.

ok closer.






vs


Innovator your verse is too long to do a line for line break down. I like it but was lost in translation. looting earth was more of a travel piece with some abstract visuals. I like it but it failed to engage me. I read it twice and though you have talent i didn't find myself blown away but the verse. decent not great no offense. I noticed that you broke the rule but didnt hold it against you




vote=Pent more entertaining and had better lines/vocab at parts and more engaging