Originally Posted by dead man
-
it's a quarter to soon
she'll be here at now to torture me blue. orange and maroon,
oozing warmer than strudel in a porcelain spoon
be immortal as you. imagine dragons, oracles too
as the forest resumed, forage for food,
This was an excellent opener and brought the verse into imagery with colorful. The interest also sparks with the quick intro of the girl. The dragons and oracles line was a lil far fetched, but i still liked it.
with night vision
but drew a Blanc like cork & a screw. black/white zinfandel
Marine machine. the Infidel, the Corps is a suit
like aces high when rivers die to quench a fortunate few
write, regurgitate these words. iAm Lord of the puke
help her gag reflex, relax like a gorgeous masseuse
the story opens up here with developing the main character and he's portrayed as a somewhat abusive and arrogant guy who's mad at life.... like all of us. The flow was really smooth..
meta-morphine abuse, pain damager, Kevorkian knew
that death is love. theory's incomplete before execution
it's more than the truth. fuck i'm ignorant, ignore me, rebuke
it's these narcissistic tendencies that force me to use
metaphors or a slew of linear coordinate cues
to reorient the normative views, rhyme orbital loops
around disorder to prove there's nothing formula-proof
This entire section was dope... I thought this was gonna be a story in the start of the narration, but it turned out to be more topically abstract and I'm still impressed with the each section. The character of a narcissist is really opened up here, but not in an over the top way.
corporate pursuits, money ordering troops. private exchanges
illuminate the Serpent's eyes like diamond engagements
silver knuckles certified, Michael tyson in paper print
ideas ancient as Iliad. Iller than all your top 5 Homer-sapiens
Divine Anglican, angel wings are depictions of vultures
feeding on the corpse of our derivative culture
This section was more of the usual type of critique displaced towards hating commercialism and capitalism. The flow and details are there.. it's just kind of a stale subject matter to me.
Ultra-violation, cyberspace invented to hibernate
how can we connect if our intention's to isolate?
it's how we operate. adaptive psychophysical ratios
reacting to that shit on the radio.
I was feeling this as I imagine some kid with ear buds and playing a PSP or something. Its a point that's been made, but I like how you put it. Made it a lil more factual/scientific instead of just opinion.
shifting endlessly,
it only takes a moment of anger to distance empathy
or a bullet wound to confiscate a lick of integrity.
in this second, i'm happier than i'll ever be, intentionally
Accidental happiness being the highlight and it only lasts for a brief second. Very depressing, but also a realistic portrayal in the developed character. The depressing tone of the character seems to hit the highest joy he's gonna reach ever
but only because nobody will remember me .. i'm sorry
thankful for the memories. the endorphins accrued
but i'm stuck inside the cortisol blues, torturing you
cause it's a quarter to soon.
the time is NOW, make your amends -
chain yourself to almost, stop, and wait for the then.
Kind of open ended ending... not really too much to say about it.. would of liked if the character something OCD like. he seemed to be over focused on things and that would of been a good point to display more towards the end I thought. I really liked this though
DEADMAN
|