this was a pretty cool story joint, vantage was like fly on the wall steada removed narrator, lil diff. but you did that pretty well. imo the extended #scheme# is contrived af. i can sit there as a guy who writes raps on forums, and that alone, and think -- yo that is so incredibly dope how do you do this. then i can sit here as a (pretentious) writer and suggest you didn't allow the organic quality of your inspiration any hope of flourishing.
objectively, i just think it's counter intuitive. cool exercise, though. you tell stories well, reminds me of esmerelda or wtf ever that other joint was called. pops was a junkie. format all torn up.
pz
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