Netcees - View Single Post - Week 4 - Brian Bryan vs Storyteller

Pinot Grij · 08-18-2013, 01:16 PM

Storyteller... you need to start trying new things man. CS basically hit the nail on the head and said everything I wanted to say to you in his vote except he probably is being a little more diplomatic. I feel like I've read several of your verses from back in the old Netcees and here and I just get the same bored feeling from all of them. Some of the best writers around here, I can think back and be like, "Oh, remember when Bags had that verse about the jail break" or "Pancake, that verse about that college kid was crazy". When I think of your writing, it doesn't separate itself and every verse kinda morphs into a big pile of ooze. What I'm trying to say is... Write the way you want to be remembered. Make your own reputation. You've been doing this long enough to form your own identity and put your stamp on your work. What do you want to be known for????? I think of Pent Up and I think "dude does great with emotion and storytelling, and has been crazy consistent", I think of Sacrifice and I'm like, "Develops high level concepts and brings them down to earth with insane schemes"... I think Storyteller and I'm like "That guy that's really vague with his concepts and I never really know what the fuck he's talking about". Don't take this shit as hate.. you're hella active which proves to me that you care about this shit, and I really don't like having to vote against you. I just think I gotta tell you how it is so you can elevate, because you are able to. As far as the actual verse, your rhyme process has gotten better, but it ain't everything... just look at my matchup this week. The whole sick and twisted rapist/murderer angle is among the most played out in this genre that we chose - it literally does nothing for me.

Brian Bryan..... the one thing that iffed me about this verse was the insanely good word choice.. like so fucking well-worded, but the meter was off so many times... and by a little bit too... just the simple omission of a word here or there. A bit frustrating. Needless to say tho that the story and your word choice simply killed this piece. Good twist, great story, fuck.... just a really nice drop through and through.

Vote for BriBry

08-18-2013, 01:16 PM	#14
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195064	Storyteller... you need to start trying new things man. CS basically hit the nail on the head and said everything I wanted to say to you in his vote except he probably is being a little more diplomatic. I feel like I've read several of your verses from back in the old Netcees and here and I just get the same bored feeling from all of them. Some of the best writers around here, I can think back and be like, "Oh, remember when Bags had that verse about the jail break" or "Pancake, that verse about that college kid was crazy". When I think of your writing, it doesn't separate itself and every verse kinda morphs into a big pile of ooze. What I'm trying to say is... Write the way you want to be remembered. Make your own reputation. You've been doing this long enough to form your own identity and put your stamp on your work. What do you want to be known for????? I think of Pent Up and I think "dude does great with emotion and storytelling, and has been crazy consistent", I think of Sacrifice and I'm like, "Develops high level concepts and brings them down to earth with insane schemes"... I think Storyteller and I'm like "That guy that's really vague with his concepts and I never really know what the fuck he's talking about". Don't take this shit as hate.. you're hella active which proves to me that you care about this shit, and I really don't like having to vote against you. I just think I gotta tell you how it is so you can elevate, because you are able to. As far as the actual verse, your rhyme process has gotten better, but it ain't everything... just look at my matchup this week. The whole sick and twisted rapist/murderer angle is among the most played out in this genre that we chose - it literally does nothing for me. Brian Bryan..... the one thing that iffed me about this verse was the insanely good word choice.. like so fucking well-worded, but the meter was off so many times... and by a little bit too... just the simple omission of a word here or there. A bit frustrating. Needless to say tho that the story and your word choice simply killed this piece. Good twist, great story, fuck.... just a really nice drop through and through. Vote for BriBry __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.